I have been gone for so long that I no longer know how to post a blog! Blogger totally revamped their... everything, and i have no idea what to do anymore. So let's hope that this works.
Most of the people here know that Chavo and I have been engaged since September, and the people that know me in real life know that I'm also graduating in 2 weeks. So let the games begin! Anyway, enough excusing myself for being an absentee blogger.
Today is my little brother's senior prom. Let me tell you how weird that is. Today's my little brother's senior prom!! I'm literally looking across my bedroom at a framed yearbook picture I have of him in kindergarten. He's going with his girlfriend of maybe forever (a yearish? I dunno) and it's really cool.
And then, he is graduating high school! My baby brother is graduating high school and going into the army! You can't even fathom how proud I am of him. Not just that he is going into the army, but he is making real scary, adult decisions. He's graduating from high school, and I couldn't be more thrilled for him. I know he's super-ready to be done with high school. Aren't we all?!
My parents' house is subject to many changes right now. Their son is graduating high school and going into the army, and their daughter is graduating college and getting married. We're both moving away. And what are my parents' doing whenever they have an empty nest? They're going on a vacation to Alaska! They're getting ready to go on a ton of adventures together, and I hope they send me postcards so I can put them on a bulletin board and talk about how cool my parents are.
The house looks almost completely different than it did a year ago. Every time I leave the house, they've done some sort of improvement. As we speak, there is a stranger laying tiles in my brother's bathroom. The front door has been painted 2 or 3 times. My bedroom furniture is all gone. The guest room is totally different. The "children's den" is now a media room for my brother to play videogames to his heart's content. The front bathroom has a brand new ceiling, since my brother tried to put in a gravity-powered elevator (he fell through the ceiling while going into the attic, and that'll be a story told at every Thanksgiving for the rest of forever). The whole house looks different, and everything is changing.
But it's a good kind of change. I feel good about it. Little brother is doing what he wants with his life, I'm doing what I want, and my parents are doing all of the things they said they would do together. I'm so excited for what God has in store for our family. It's going to be so awesome!
In 4 days, Chavo is done with school.
In 7 days, all of mine and Chavo's things are getting moved into our apartment.
In 13 days, I'm done with school.
In 19 days, my brother is graduating from high school. I'll be the nutball with the cowbell at the ceremony.
In 49 days, Chavo and I are getting married.
And in 59 days, my little brother is leaving for Ft. Benning, GA to do his army thing!
What am I doing? Sitting here, writing this blog! I have to go get ready!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
A Most Ingenious Paradox!
It's Midterm Week, and y'all know what that means (or, at least you should by now): it's time for me to procrastinating studying for about an hour and write a blog! It's going to be kind of a Lulu, I think. I almost through a Mississippi-hissy fit because this blog has been rattling around for about a week, and when I opened the "new post" window, I forgot it. Yeah, I almost flipped the table. Luckily for me (and the rest of this cafe that I'm sitting in), I remembered as soon as I closed the window.
Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. Matthew 24:9
If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. John 15:18-19a
When I lived in my safe little hometown firmly cinched in the Bible Belt, I had no idea what these verses meant. Nobody hates me. Why could anybody hate me because I'm a Christian? I didn't do anything wrong. I'm just going to school and to church like everybody else in this little bitty town.
And then I went to college.
Now, I have had entire conversations with people who I thought were cool, heck, entire friendships with people that I thought were cool, until they found out that I go to church... After they find out I go to church, we usually have one more conversation that goes about like "So are you a Christian? How could you? You can't tell me how to live my life. I won't let you judge me!" Yet just before that, we were friends. I never judged them. I never even gave them so much as an idea about what to get for lunch at Chickfila, much less spiritual guidance.
What did I do?
This college that I go to, minus the safe-haven of Christian friends that I retreat to, is very vocal on why they hate Christianity. I've never heard such hatred about any other religion, not even Islam. Everyone's afraid that if they hate on Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, etc, they'll be labeled as "rascist" or some other ridiculousness. Christianity though, is safe to hate on. I mean, we persecuted first, right? We had the Crusades and all that stuff... killing tons of people in the name of God CENTURIES ago. Nevermind the fact that there are terrorists of another religion (that shall remain nameless because know they're RADICALS and don't represent that religion as a whole) killing tons of people NOW.
We're hated because we're judgemental. We judge people for everything they do. We're hypocrites, but so are they. We're flawed, but so are they. We are hated for the same reason that people hate themselves. Except this time, people blame our flaws on a higher power that they don't believe exists but we know does exist.
It's a paradox. Christians are hated because we hated first... But, the thing is, I don't hate anybody. I never killed people in crusades. I used to judge people and it is an active responsibility to not do that, but tell me you don't judge people. It's a universal problem to try and make yourself look better by tearing others down in your mind (or out loud). I don't sit in Free Speech Alley, calling girls in shorts "Jezebel" and telling college students they're going to hell. I have never burned a Qu'ran.
I'm not perfect, but you hate me for reasons that you cannot articulate. However, allow me to do that for you, using the very doctrine that you hate. With that, I'll go back to the verse I left off with:
If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.- John 15:19
If all the Christians in the world stopped being all the things that the world hates us for, hypocrites, haters, judgers, proselytizers, screaming sign-wearing crazies, the world would still hate us. It would find a reason. But here's the kicker, God doesn't like haters and judgers and hypocrites either! We still have to stop being all these things, but not because the world hates it, but because it's not BIBLICAL! It's not Christlike! Christ was hated and that guy was perfect! We are called to be Christlike, but that does not mean we will not be hated along the way.
And so, lift your head, you little Christian alien. You are not of this world, so stop acting like it! Stop waiting for the world to love you as much as it loves Lady Gaga and start living for the God that loves you so much that we cannot possibly understand it.
Live for Jesus, but understand that it comes with a price of having enemies of the world.
Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. Matthew 24:9
If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. John 15:18-19a
When I lived in my safe little hometown firmly cinched in the Bible Belt, I had no idea what these verses meant. Nobody hates me. Why could anybody hate me because I'm a Christian? I didn't do anything wrong. I'm just going to school and to church like everybody else in this little bitty town.
And then I went to college.
Now, I have had entire conversations with people who I thought were cool, heck, entire friendships with people that I thought were cool, until they found out that I go to church... After they find out I go to church, we usually have one more conversation that goes about like "So are you a Christian? How could you? You can't tell me how to live my life. I won't let you judge me!" Yet just before that, we were friends. I never judged them. I never even gave them so much as an idea about what to get for lunch at Chickfila, much less spiritual guidance.
What did I do?
This college that I go to, minus the safe-haven of Christian friends that I retreat to, is very vocal on why they hate Christianity. I've never heard such hatred about any other religion, not even Islam. Everyone's afraid that if they hate on Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, etc, they'll be labeled as "rascist" or some other ridiculousness. Christianity though, is safe to hate on. I mean, we persecuted first, right? We had the Crusades and all that stuff... killing tons of people in the name of God CENTURIES ago. Nevermind the fact that there are terrorists of another religion (that shall remain nameless because know they're RADICALS and don't represent that religion as a whole) killing tons of people NOW.
We're hated because we're judgemental. We judge people for everything they do. We're hypocrites, but so are they. We're flawed, but so are they. We are hated for the same reason that people hate themselves. Except this time, people blame our flaws on a higher power that they don't believe exists but we know does exist.
It's a paradox. Christians are hated because we hated first... But, the thing is, I don't hate anybody. I never killed people in crusades. I used to judge people and it is an active responsibility to not do that, but tell me you don't judge people. It's a universal problem to try and make yourself look better by tearing others down in your mind (or out loud). I don't sit in Free Speech Alley, calling girls in shorts "Jezebel" and telling college students they're going to hell. I have never burned a Qu'ran.
I'm not perfect, but you hate me for reasons that you cannot articulate. However, allow me to do that for you, using the very doctrine that you hate. With that, I'll go back to the verse I left off with:
If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.- John 15:19
If all the Christians in the world stopped being all the things that the world hates us for, hypocrites, haters, judgers, proselytizers, screaming sign-wearing crazies, the world would still hate us. It would find a reason. But here's the kicker, God doesn't like haters and judgers and hypocrites either! We still have to stop being all these things, but not because the world hates it, but because it's not BIBLICAL! It's not Christlike! Christ was hated and that guy was perfect! We are called to be Christlike, but that does not mean we will not be hated along the way.
And so, lift your head, you little Christian alien. You are not of this world, so stop acting like it! Stop waiting for the world to love you as much as it loves Lady Gaga and start living for the God that loves you so much that we cannot possibly understand it.
Live for Jesus, but understand that it comes with a price of having enemies of the world.
Friday, February 24, 2012
I can't believe my eyes!
I've been trying to think of a blog for a few weeks now. I'm on my way to my parents' house from school, about 40 minutes out of town, and I thought of one. And considering that I have to write it down:
a) before my battery dies
b) before I realize it's stupid
c) before the McDonald's workers realize that someone is sitting in their parking lot, jacking their wifi.
I'm going to do it now.
In light of all the crazy things going on right now, with wedding and life and school and such, I decided to take a mental health morning. So, I sat on my couch in my pajamas, watched TV, and played on the computer for about 2 hours. Just 2 hours of whatever.
Don't ask me how it happened, but I ended up watching old youtube videos of the Maury show. Yeah, I ventured THAT far. If you've never watched the Maury show, just go to Walmart in sweatpants at 3 am, sit on a bench, and squeeze your head really hard for an hour. Oh, and every once in a while, yell "you're not the father!"
The videos in particular that I was watching was of a 15 year old named Victoria, who was made pretty popular by that show. She was bound and determined to have a baby, having unprotected sex hundreds of times with dozens of different men. Yeeeeah.
Anyway, I just got to thinking about 15 year olds that think that they want kids right then. I thought about why there are some crazy girls who CHOOSE to get pregnant before they even have their driver's license. It's sad. Most of them just want the love that they think a child can give them. Its just really sad.
But then I got to thinking, "Why is a 15 year old getting pregnant so crazy? There are cultures where that is practically the norm. Wasn't Mary around that age when she was pregnant with Jesus?" Before you go screaming at me about the horrors of teen pregnancy, chill, that's not what I'm talking about here. The thought of a 15 year old having a baby is about as wonderful as me covering myself in roaches and running down Interstate-20, in my not-so-humble opinion.
But what would the Maury show look like in another culture? What would those episodes be called, instead of "I don't think my husband's the father" or "I'm in the 9th grade and I want to have a baby!"
"My daughter wants to wear jeans!"
"I want to be monogamous!"
"My son wants to marry from another tribe!"
"I don't believe in spirits!"
"My daughter wants to wait until she's 25 to have children!"
"I want to marry for love!"
"My son is happy with his wife's terrible dowry!"
"My daughter won't abort her unborn daughter to have a boy!"
What would that audience look like? Would they scream obscenities like on the Maury show? Who would they side with? What would happen if we believed it all?
The only culture we should be following is the one we're called to follow, God's. Anything else is worldly garbage, just like the Maury show.
a) before my battery dies
b) before I realize it's stupid
c) before the McDonald's workers realize that someone is sitting in their parking lot, jacking their wifi.
I'm going to do it now.
In light of all the crazy things going on right now, with wedding and life and school and such, I decided to take a mental health morning. So, I sat on my couch in my pajamas, watched TV, and played on the computer for about 2 hours. Just 2 hours of whatever.
Don't ask me how it happened, but I ended up watching old youtube videos of the Maury show. Yeah, I ventured THAT far. If you've never watched the Maury show, just go to Walmart in sweatpants at 3 am, sit on a bench, and squeeze your head really hard for an hour. Oh, and every once in a while, yell "you're not the father!"
The videos in particular that I was watching was of a 15 year old named Victoria, who was made pretty popular by that show. She was bound and determined to have a baby, having unprotected sex hundreds of times with dozens of different men. Yeeeeah.
Anyway, I just got to thinking about 15 year olds that think that they want kids right then. I thought about why there are some crazy girls who CHOOSE to get pregnant before they even have their driver's license. It's sad. Most of them just want the love that they think a child can give them. Its just really sad.
But then I got to thinking, "Why is a 15 year old getting pregnant so crazy? There are cultures where that is practically the norm. Wasn't Mary around that age when she was pregnant with Jesus?" Before you go screaming at me about the horrors of teen pregnancy, chill, that's not what I'm talking about here. The thought of a 15 year old having a baby is about as wonderful as me covering myself in roaches and running down Interstate-20, in my not-so-humble opinion.
But what would the Maury show look like in another culture? What would those episodes be called, instead of "I don't think my husband's the father" or "I'm in the 9th grade and I want to have a baby!"
"My daughter wants to wear jeans!"
"I want to be monogamous!"
"My son wants to marry from another tribe!"
"I don't believe in spirits!"
"My daughter wants to wait until she's 25 to have children!"
"I want to marry for love!"
"My son is happy with his wife's terrible dowry!"
"My daughter won't abort her unborn daughter to have a boy!"
What would that audience look like? Would they scream obscenities like on the Maury show? Who would they side with? What would happen if we believed it all?
The only culture we should be following is the one we're called to follow, God's. Anything else is worldly garbage, just like the Maury show.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
I love you just the way you are.
Hey y'all. I know, it's been a while. I kind of got to the point where I didn't want to post because I didn't want to remind everyone that I hadn't been posting and had been somewhat of a disappointment. I promise I have a semi-reasonable excuse for my absence, but I cannot promise that I'm going to be posting more than once on this lovely February. We have officially started the wedding invitations, and they are leading me to becoming a "Bald is Beautiful Bride" because I'm about to pull ALL my hair out. The only thing that has stopped me is knowing that the Chavo probably wouldn't love me if I lost my red hair... Just kidding... I hope.
I've typed two blogs and hated them both. I'll come back when I think of something something semi-reasonable to post.
Mucho love-o!
I've typed two blogs and hated them both. I'll come back when I think of something something semi-reasonable to post.
Mucho love-o!
Friday, January 13, 2012
I love you, I hate you, I'm tired, shut up, want a sandwich?
It's coming up on the last few days of break. The last few days of the last winter break before my last semester as an undergraduate. And all I have to say is:
thank God.
Holy goodness gracious great balls of fire, I'm SO ready for this semester to be over already. I know it's going to go by fast with all the millions of things I have to do to get ready for the wedding and being married to the Chavo.
Which brings back to my topic.
So it's the end of break. The Chavo and I got to spend 3 awesome weeks together before he had to go back to the Seminary for work. That's seriously the longest time he and I have spent together since the last Guatemala trip (6 months ago, but who's counting, really? Oh, yeah, me). And because we both spend a lot of time in school, we get time together, but in short little bursts over the course of a couple of months.
But over the course of these 3 weeks, a lot of cool things happened: Chavo had his very first Christmas in the US with my family. We ate roughly a ton of food between the two of us. We got bedding and a crock pot, as well as a bunch of pots and pans (which I'm hoping I will eventually learn how to look with, considering my specialties are cupcakes, sandwiches, and bowls of cereal). We spent a lot of time with my family. We spent New Years with my friend Brittany and I didn't have to go to the emergency room afterwards. And lots of other things. It was nice!
I got to go with Chavo to Fort Worth for a few days last weekend. It was really nice. We took separate cars because he would be staying and I would be driving back, so he didn't get to see the lovely little mood swing see-saw I did on the way into town. As we drove into Arlington, I kind of started to wig out. Like, panic. Not because of the traffic (albeit horrifying all on its own).
In just a few short months, I'm going to be LIVING there. In Fort Worth. As in, not Louisiana. At least 5 hours away from places that I can navigate without a GPS or Mapquest. People cheer for the Cowboys there. Yeah, I just heard a whole bunch of readers grown. Truthfully, I don't care about football. I just know I'm supposed to groan when someone mentions the Cowboys. But anyways, I love Louisiana. I'm going to miss it a lot. I'm going to miss living in south LA for sure.
Fort Worth, though, doesn't look like it's going to be this terrible monster that eats young redheaded women for breakfast. There's lots to do there. Chavo's there. I've already started to make friends (I hope), and I'm beginning to learn my way around. I won't have to tie a ball of yarn to the back of my car to find my way back to the apartment! It snows sometimes, which means I won't be a big ball of grump whenever it gets cold, because it'll actually snow. I hope the transition into living in.... will be an easy one. I guess it would probably be a good thing if I could actually say it.
I'm going to move to Texas. I'm going to live in Texas.
There, I said it. I guess it's not so bad. I like the people. It's just not Louisiana. They don't get out for Mardi Gras there! Do they throw hurricane parties? Do they make gumbo? I'm scared. But I'm fully prepared to bring a little bit of my Louisiana culture to Fort Worth. I'll make king cakes and gumbo (once I learn how) and we'll watch Princess and the Frog. It'll be great!
My biggest concern and prayer request right now is finding a job in Fort Worth. I would really like to teach, and I'm not opposed to getting certified. I'm applying right now to a certification program so I can teach in a public school. But I'm really nervous, y'all. I'm worried about failing. Worried about being able to make ends meet. Worried about not being able to find a job at all. Just all-around worried. If you could pray for that, I would be very appreciative.
Anybody got a good recipe for gumbo? ;)
thank God.
Holy goodness gracious great balls of fire, I'm SO ready for this semester to be over already. I know it's going to go by fast with all the millions of things I have to do to get ready for the wedding and being married to the Chavo.
Which brings back to my topic.
So it's the end of break. The Chavo and I got to spend 3 awesome weeks together before he had to go back to the Seminary for work. That's seriously the longest time he and I have spent together since the last Guatemala trip (6 months ago, but who's counting, really? Oh, yeah, me). And because we both spend a lot of time in school, we get time together, but in short little bursts over the course of a couple of months.
But over the course of these 3 weeks, a lot of cool things happened: Chavo had his very first Christmas in the US with my family. We ate roughly a ton of food between the two of us. We got bedding and a crock pot, as well as a bunch of pots and pans (which I'm hoping I will eventually learn how to look with, considering my specialties are cupcakes, sandwiches, and bowls of cereal). We spent a lot of time with my family. We spent New Years with my friend Brittany and I didn't have to go to the emergency room afterwards. And lots of other things. It was nice!
I got to go with Chavo to Fort Worth for a few days last weekend. It was really nice. We took separate cars because he would be staying and I would be driving back, so he didn't get to see the lovely little mood swing see-saw I did on the way into town. As we drove into Arlington, I kind of started to wig out. Like, panic. Not because of the traffic (albeit horrifying all on its own).
In just a few short months, I'm going to be LIVING there. In Fort Worth. As in, not Louisiana. At least 5 hours away from places that I can navigate without a GPS or Mapquest. People cheer for the Cowboys there. Yeah, I just heard a whole bunch of readers grown. Truthfully, I don't care about football. I just know I'm supposed to groan when someone mentions the Cowboys. But anyways, I love Louisiana. I'm going to miss it a lot. I'm going to miss living in south LA for sure.
Fort Worth, though, doesn't look like it's going to be this terrible monster that eats young redheaded women for breakfast. There's lots to do there. Chavo's there. I've already started to make friends (I hope), and I'm beginning to learn my way around. I won't have to tie a ball of yarn to the back of my car to find my way back to the apartment! It snows sometimes, which means I won't be a big ball of grump whenever it gets cold, because it'll actually snow. I hope the transition into living in.... will be an easy one. I guess it would probably be a good thing if I could actually say it.
I'm going to move to Texas. I'm going to live in Texas.
There, I said it. I guess it's not so bad. I like the people. It's just not Louisiana. They don't get out for Mardi Gras there! Do they throw hurricane parties? Do they make gumbo? I'm scared. But I'm fully prepared to bring a little bit of my Louisiana culture to Fort Worth. I'll make king cakes and gumbo (once I learn how) and we'll watch Princess and the Frog. It'll be great!
My biggest concern and prayer request right now is finding a job in Fort Worth. I would really like to teach, and I'm not opposed to getting certified. I'm applying right now to a certification program so I can teach in a public school. But I'm really nervous, y'all. I'm worried about failing. Worried about being able to make ends meet. Worried about not being able to find a job at all. Just all-around worried. If you could pray for that, I would be very appreciative.
Anybody got a good recipe for gumbo? ;)
Friday, December 16, 2011
Why am I hiding?
Get ready, because if you're not expecting me to be really really real right now, you might want to look at my G rated facebook wall. Because it's about to get rill up in here.
I went and got Johnny's Pizza with a friend today (might I add that this is the best crack-riddled pizza that you could ever feast upon), and I got to talking with her about social networking.
I told her how I've been wanting to be more anonymous on the internet. Everything I do is connected to facebook, and everyone I know is ON facebook. That means: my parents, the Chavo, people from Guatemala that know me as somewhat of a missionary (or not), people from my church, past teachers from high school, parents' friends, etc etc. I love all these people a lot. I really do. I would never even consider "unfriending" them because they're really cool.
But let's get real: I can't be totally honest with them. I can't be in a conversation with them and say "You know what just pisses me off?" or say anything that can be even remotely PG-13. The only person that I even feel the slightest bit safe cursing in front of is my mom (oddly enough). My mom and I are super close, and she knows that when I get angry, I'm not just going to pretend that everything is sunshine and rainbows and pretty daisys that smell like chocolate cake.
Chavo doesn't even like it when I get ummm "R-rated mad". I've only gotten R-rated mad while on the phone with him twice... EVER. One time was 2 nights ago when I was so angry that I was literally laying on my bedroom floor, sobbing like an idiot, a cursing the existence of one of my professors (don't ask). And I even finished my "upset" by apologizing and blubbering like an idiot.
But anyways, I was telling my friend, over delicious pizza, that I want to be more anonymous so I can say things that I truly feel. And not even negative things either, just things! Like, how I really want to be able to talk to someone about someone that's gay and not have to say "Yeah, they're gay, but they're really cool." Or talk about my sociology class (Gender and Violence, its crazy awesome) without worrying that they're going to get mad that I just said the word "vagina" out loud and it reached their happy, clean ears. Come on y'all. Its a word for a body part that half of the world has, its not a bad word...
So, here's the deal, I don't want to be more anonymous. I want people to KNOW my true feelings on things. I want people to know that I don't think the world is black and white, that people are good or bad, stupid or smart, but that God made you beautiful exactly how you are. I want people to know that I get crazy offended and angry when people say "I think that if you come to America, you have to speak english," like that girl at the nail salon yesterday. I want people to know, especially in my hometown, that while I consider myself a "moderate conservative", sometimes I have liberal thoughts and that does not make me a devil-worshipping, absinthe-drinking, not-leg-shaving crazy person! I want people to know that "liberal" and "conservative" are not synonyms or antonyms for "right" and "wrong" or "bad" and "good".
I am a person! I am Ginger Spice-Valerie Wade and I am a human being with thoughts and feelings. And even if they are different from yours sometimes, we are both still human beings and we should expect to be treated as such. I will NOT be anonymous. I will be tactful and know that some things should be left unsaid (like telling the girl at the nail salon that I want to choke her), but that does not mean that I am going to be silent and pretend that everything in the world is perfect. If this world were perfect, we wouldn't need Jesus. If this world were perfect, Jesus wouldn't have even come once, much less come again. But Jesus made me, just like he made you, fellow human. Jesus went to the cripples, the whores, the blind, the sick, the needing, the seeking, the children, the thieves, the tax-collectors, people that are just as much God's creations as anyone else.
Stop demonizing people that disagree with you and start treating everybody like they are human beings that are just as much God's creation as you! Just because someone or something doesn't fit inside a nice, neat, little box doesn't mean they aren't worth listening to or loving. Then maybe people wouldn't be scared to speak up and be honest with people. I don't want to live in fear that someone is going to find out who I really am. I don't want people to think I am unloveable because I struggle with food, or doubt, or lust, or anything else that is a real, honest-to-God, problem.
This post got a lot more real than I even planned for it, but I feel better knowing some of the things I said. Because it's the truth, and I don't want to put up some sort of fake, flowery persona of someone that I don't want to be. I am real, raw woman, and I refuse to hide behind sparkly Christmas tinsel and some fake blog because I want this world's love more than God's.
This is real.
I went and got Johnny's Pizza with a friend today (might I add that this is the best crack-riddled pizza that you could ever feast upon), and I got to talking with her about social networking.
I told her how I've been wanting to be more anonymous on the internet. Everything I do is connected to facebook, and everyone I know is ON facebook. That means: my parents, the Chavo, people from Guatemala that know me as somewhat of a missionary (or not), people from my church, past teachers from high school, parents' friends, etc etc. I love all these people a lot. I really do. I would never even consider "unfriending" them because they're really cool.
But let's get real: I can't be totally honest with them. I can't be in a conversation with them and say "You know what just pisses me off?" or say anything that can be even remotely PG-13. The only person that I even feel the slightest bit safe cursing in front of is my mom (oddly enough). My mom and I are super close, and she knows that when I get angry, I'm not just going to pretend that everything is sunshine and rainbows and pretty daisys that smell like chocolate cake.
Chavo doesn't even like it when I get ummm "R-rated mad". I've only gotten R-rated mad while on the phone with him twice... EVER. One time was 2 nights ago when I was so angry that I was literally laying on my bedroom floor, sobbing like an idiot, a cursing the existence of one of my professors (don't ask). And I even finished my "upset" by apologizing and blubbering like an idiot.
But anyways, I was telling my friend, over delicious pizza, that I want to be more anonymous so I can say things that I truly feel. And not even negative things either, just things! Like, how I really want to be able to talk to someone about someone that's gay and not have to say "Yeah, they're gay, but they're really cool." Or talk about my sociology class (Gender and Violence, its crazy awesome) without worrying that they're going to get mad that I just said the word "vagina" out loud and it reached their happy, clean ears. Come on y'all. Its a word for a body part that half of the world has, its not a bad word...
So, here's the deal, I don't want to be more anonymous. I want people to KNOW my true feelings on things. I want people to know that I don't think the world is black and white, that people are good or bad, stupid or smart, but that God made you beautiful exactly how you are. I want people to know that I get crazy offended and angry when people say "I think that if you come to America, you have to speak english," like that girl at the nail salon yesterday. I want people to know, especially in my hometown, that while I consider myself a "moderate conservative", sometimes I have liberal thoughts and that does not make me a devil-worshipping, absinthe-drinking, not-leg-shaving crazy person! I want people to know that "liberal" and "conservative" are not synonyms or antonyms for "right" and "wrong" or "bad" and "good".
I am a person! I am Ginger Spice-Valerie Wade and I am a human being with thoughts and feelings. And even if they are different from yours sometimes, we are both still human beings and we should expect to be treated as such. I will NOT be anonymous. I will be tactful and know that some things should be left unsaid (like telling the girl at the nail salon that I want to choke her), but that does not mean that I am going to be silent and pretend that everything in the world is perfect. If this world were perfect, we wouldn't need Jesus. If this world were perfect, Jesus wouldn't have even come once, much less come again. But Jesus made me, just like he made you, fellow human. Jesus went to the cripples, the whores, the blind, the sick, the needing, the seeking, the children, the thieves, the tax-collectors, people that are just as much God's creations as anyone else.
Stop demonizing people that disagree with you and start treating everybody like they are human beings that are just as much God's creation as you! Just because someone or something doesn't fit inside a nice, neat, little box doesn't mean they aren't worth listening to or loving. Then maybe people wouldn't be scared to speak up and be honest with people. I don't want to live in fear that someone is going to find out who I really am. I don't want people to think I am unloveable because I struggle with food, or doubt, or lust, or anything else that is a real, honest-to-God, problem.
This post got a lot more real than I even planned for it, but I feel better knowing some of the things I said. Because it's the truth, and I don't want to put up some sort of fake, flowery persona of someone that I don't want to be. I am real, raw woman, and I refuse to hide behind sparkly Christmas tinsel and some fake blog because I want this world's love more than God's.
This is real.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Its NOT the same.
Depending on when you met me in the course of my life, I can be one of two things for you:
1) If you met me when I was in high school, I can be the high-stress, sarcastic, crazy b.... witch. I'm still amazed that I had friends in high school. It really is a miracle. But now that I look on high school, many of my friends (certainly not all) were just as high-stress, sarcastic and dramatic as I was... is... am.
2) I can be the happy-go-lucky, scarf knitting, blog writing, Guatemala-going, get-married-really-young, freak.
But I noticed something about myself. I'm sure if you've been on my blog for longer than half a second, you realize that I am a Christian. And yes, I'm from the Bible Belt, but my school pretty secular. My friends consist of those inside my campus ministry, and then friends from the outside that are mostly non-Christian.
Anywhoodles, enough of the background, time for the good stuff. The time where I get on my soapbox and tell you something that takes some of my dirty laundry and airs it out for the whole wide world to see.
I was talking to one of my non-Christian friends (I refuse to say "unbeliever" because that sounds cultish and the first thing I think of when I say it is "shun the nonbeliever!!") about one of my other non-Christian friends. Something I like to call "conversing by proxy" while the bible calls it "gossip". But anyway, I was talking to my friend about this other friend and how mad I was that this person was doing something stupid. My friend's response was "You know, [Ginger Spice]? Sometimes people don't want to feel like they have to live their lives a certain way. This person wants to do what she wants and she doesn't want anyone else to give her flack about it."
Now, this is true. I know it is. Seeing this typed out seems pretty innocuous, but his tone is what got me. He wasn't telling me something I knew. He was telling me something that I didn't know. He acted like he was explaining the ground to someone that didn't believe in gravity.
Just because I believe in Jesus doesn't mean I don't know how this world really is. Just because I believe in Jesus doesn't mean I cannot relate or understand someone who doesn't. Believing in Jesus isn't like believing that gravity exists, or that the world is round.
The world is UGLY. It is one ugly ugly place. People do stupid crap. Because they can! Jesus isn't like gravity! You can't choose against gravity. If you jump off a bridge and turn off the gravity like you can turn off a Christian moral center. I could just as easily go off, find some drugs, sleep around, and end up in jail as someone else. Because I have a choice. I am not a perfect person. No one is perfect. Just because I am a Christian doesn't mean I can't do something stupid. It means I have a means by which to repent and ask for forgiveness. So don't talk to me like I am in an alternate reality just because I don't agree with something that you say.
Gravity keeps me on the ground. The world is round. And Jesus is very very real.
1) If you met me when I was in high school, I can be the high-stress, sarcastic, crazy b.... witch. I'm still amazed that I had friends in high school. It really is a miracle. But now that I look on high school, many of my friends (certainly not all) were just as high-stress, sarcastic and dramatic as I was... is... am.
2) I can be the happy-go-lucky, scarf knitting, blog writing, Guatemala-going, get-married-really-young, freak.
But I noticed something about myself. I'm sure if you've been on my blog for longer than half a second, you realize that I am a Christian. And yes, I'm from the Bible Belt, but my school pretty secular. My friends consist of those inside my campus ministry, and then friends from the outside that are mostly non-Christian.
Anywhoodles, enough of the background, time for the good stuff. The time where I get on my soapbox and tell you something that takes some of my dirty laundry and airs it out for the whole wide world to see.
I was talking to one of my non-Christian friends (I refuse to say "unbeliever" because that sounds cultish and the first thing I think of when I say it is "shun the nonbeliever!!") about one of my other non-Christian friends. Something I like to call "conversing by proxy" while the bible calls it "gossip". But anyway, I was talking to my friend about this other friend and how mad I was that this person was doing something stupid. My friend's response was "You know, [Ginger Spice]? Sometimes people don't want to feel like they have to live their lives a certain way. This person wants to do what she wants and she doesn't want anyone else to give her flack about it."
Now, this is true. I know it is. Seeing this typed out seems pretty innocuous, but his tone is what got me. He wasn't telling me something I knew. He was telling me something that I didn't know. He acted like he was explaining the ground to someone that didn't believe in gravity.
Just because I believe in Jesus doesn't mean I don't know how this world really is. Just because I believe in Jesus doesn't mean I cannot relate or understand someone who doesn't. Believing in Jesus isn't like believing that gravity exists, or that the world is round.
The world is UGLY. It is one ugly ugly place. People do stupid crap. Because they can! Jesus isn't like gravity! You can't choose against gravity. If you jump off a bridge and turn off the gravity like you can turn off a Christian moral center. I could just as easily go off, find some drugs, sleep around, and end up in jail as someone else. Because I have a choice. I am not a perfect person. No one is perfect. Just because I am a Christian doesn't mean I can't do something stupid. It means I have a means by which to repent and ask for forgiveness. So don't talk to me like I am in an alternate reality just because I don't agree with something that you say.
Gravity keeps me on the ground. The world is round. And Jesus is very very real.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)