Baptism Bloopers and why they're my favorite

This Sunday (which was totally legit and I hope they put it online), we had baptisms. It was a big Sunday, it was big missions dealio (and I got to speak twice, but I'm so getting off-track). But big Sundays are always big baptism Sundays. They baptized 4 people up there! 3 had the same last name! It was pretty cool. But one thing I noticed was that we had one of my favorite baptism bloopers.

You know, 1^st kid goes up there, sploosh, applause.

2^nd kid goes up there, sploosh, doesn't even hold his nose! Bonus points! Applause.

3^rd kid (2^nd kid's twin, who was not to be outdone), didn't hold his nose either, Applause.

4^th guy, an ADULT! He got to watch the last 3 baptisms and rehearse his lines and his choreography. But what happened? Pastor starts his cool “Upon your confession of faith...” line, and the adult already starts holding his nose! It was my favorite! It reminded me of my favorite kinds of baptism bloopers.

The Premature Nose-hold:

As with what happened this Sunday, you're in the middle of a baptism and the guy holds his nose way before he's about to get the symbolic dunk of faith. What do you do with that? Do you just hammer the awkwardness home and keep your hand at your nose? Do you take your hand down and give a sheepish look? Or do you slyly look like you were scratching your nose and TOTALLY didn't mean to do that? This has got to be my favorite baptism blooper just from the lack of ability to escape. You know, it makes a good story! Just like the time that you were trying to get to your parents' Sunday school class as a child and accidently walked into the choir loft in the middle of service.

Announcing the wrong name:

This also happened this Sunday. As I stated before, we had a set of twins getting baptized. And sure enough, the first kid got the wrong name called out. Just like Jacob and Esau, that wretched little brother got his baptism cred! (Except not really, the pastor did correct himself before the kid was dipped.) I think that this is blooper payback for those pastors who secretly giggle at the premature nose-holders.

Baptizing a tall person:

Jon Acuff talks about this on his super-cool blog “Stuff Christians Like”, but baptizing a tall person is hard! I have not tried to baptize a tall person, but trying to dunk my cousin (who is roughly like, 10 feet tall, maybe) in a swimming pool is pretty much impossible.

Not getting all the baptisee's body under water:

Mom and I discussed this yesterday. You know, baptism is a symbol and all that cool stuff, but what happens if you end up with a dry elbow after getting baptized? You may think I'm borderline insane, but don't tell me you haven't thought about it!

And my personal favorite. The super-rare, independent baptism!

I've only witnessed this once, at church camp about 6 years ago. One of my friends was getting baptized in that awesome youth-group baptism trough. If you've been to rockin' church camp like these crazy kids have these days, you know that when it comes to baptism time, it ain't your grandmother's baptism! The music is blaring, kids are screaming, confessions of faith are shouted to the rooftops of that college auditorium, its totally legit. If you want a cool baptism (and can't get to your nearest river), youth group baptism is definitely the way to go. But the energy was high, and my friend just couldn't take the pressure. So after she gives that “Yes, sir” when asked if Jesus is her personal Lord and Savior, she falls out into the trough, FULLY expecting the youth minister to be right with her on her new solo baptism. Luckily, the pastor caught her before she hit her head, but she did have to wait to dunk the rest of her.

Baptism bloopers are the greatest parts of baptism. They remind everyone that while we are announcing to the world that Jesus is our Savior, we are still the awkward people that we always were. Our lives are changing forever, dying to self, being buried with Christ, and raising to new life with Jesus, but we are not suddenly the perfect people that know all the right things to say or the right time to hold their nose for a baptism. We are God's sometime socially-awkward children, and He wouldn't have us any other way.

Oh, and they're really really funny! Name some more baptism bloopers that you've witnessed!