But when would I have the time to have that mental breakdown?

Well, I got about halfway through this blog post before it deleted itself, so I'm having a hard time starting this back up again. That, and I'm a little nervous. I regretted saying that I would post “tomorrow” yesterday. But I did.

There is a new chapter in my life coming up, and with that, I have a huge question:

What does it mean to be a Christian wife?

I felt like the best way to START answering this question would be to look through the Proverbs 31 passage about the wife of noble character (I'll just call her Noble Wife). This is one of the very very few passages that I've read through about 100 times. Most of which, as I read, I felt like this chick.

I always imagine Noble Wife as a sewing, knitting, bake-selling, homeschooling, blue jean skirt-wearing, tea-drinking, crock pot cooking, homemaking, perfect mom. But really, really... REALLY. There's no way I could do even half of those things. My mom has to show me with strict detail how the crock pot works, every time she asks me to use it!!! And I'm pretty sure the last time I wore a blue jean skirt was in the 5^th grade. Anyways...

But for those that haven't ever read that wonderful bit of intimidation, we're going to walk through it, and I'm going to point out some things that I think are 1) awesome, 2) terrifying, or 3) impossible. You'd be surprised. Even Noble Wife isn't perfect! Just wait and see!

10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

She works with eager hands! With that said, I have a confession to make. When Chavo asked my parents about marrying me, they warned him that I must always have something to do, or I get all depressed and crazy. According to my mom, I don't even have to like what I'm doing, but I have to have something to do. And I must have something to procrastinate. I know, I'm a freak.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.

Ok, there are a couple of things I want to point out about this. Noble Wife gets up EARLY. Like, really early. I get up moderately early, but not “before the sun” early. That's just crazy talk for me.

Oh! And another thing. Noble Wife has female servants! Even she can't get everything done! I would like to change “female servants” to “babysitters” or “schoolteachers”, not because I think they're servants to cater to the wife's needs, but because Noble Wife's kids are mentioned very rarely in this passage. Do you know what this means?! Noble Wife doesn't homeschool!

BUT I AM NOT BASHING HOMESCHOOLING WITH THAT STATEMENT! I could never homeschool. Never ever ever. Nope. Couldn't do it. But now I feel better knowing that not even Noble Wife homeschooled. And I have a rebuttal for those ladies that are all “If you really love your kids and Jesus, you would homeschool.” Nope. Not for me. And I may counter them by sending my future child around in a shirt like this

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

Noble Wife can does cool stuff with her money. You know, vineyards are cool. And she has earnings, so she works. And Noble Wife must work out if her arms are strong for all the crap she has to do (ahem... errands she must run). So, she exercises. Go her!

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

Nighttime is my most productive time. That's when the “last minute” starts.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

Missions. Everywhere.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Wanna know how I read this? She crafts! She DIY's!

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

Maybe she even “etsy's” (www.etsy.com). Either way, she sells her crafts! I'm a big fan of that.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

Something hard that is expected, but we all need to learn to do.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

She makes sure her kids get their homework done and that everyone is doing what they're supposed to! And I'm assuming she doesn't pass out on the couch and watch a marathon of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Whatever, I'm still going to watch Law and Order: SVU whenever I am doing all of these crafts, selling them on etsy and making all these clothes.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

I was wondering where her kids were. I wonder if they ever paint on the walls or steal cookies.

her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Wanna know what I didn't see anywhere in that passage? Noble Wife doesn't always have a clean house. Now, she does watch over the affairs of her house, but does that mean “clean”. I would think that if keeping an organized and tidy home were expected, then it would have been written in there. And Noble Wife has female servants, who I'm sure take care of the kids so that Noble Wife doesn't go bananas with carting kids around while she buys fields and such.

But notice how this passage is not called “The Perfect Wife”, its called the Wife of Noble Character. That's because Perfect Wife doesn't exist. She doesn't. And think about the chaos that would ensue if she did. I would imagine that antidepressant sales would go up because who could live up to that? Noble Wife is possible to live up to. I like Noble Wife. She sounds like someone I could grab a coffee with (when she's not so busy). Or someone that would blog. Not someone who would judge or be ugly.

I think I can work on becoming Noble Wife. Perfect wife, however, can go clean my house. Maybe I'll hire her as a female servant!


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I hope you enjoyed the very first post of what I hope to be a very good series. If there was something that you disagree with, or something you would really like Chavo or I to talk about on here, let us know! This is a blogging community effort, so don't be shy.