I'm A Coward...(but please still be my friend)

I realize that it has been a while.

The reason that I have not posted in so many months was because I had something that needed to be said, something negative, something that spoke ill of some other people, something that could make people see me as kind of obnoxious. And I didn't want to say it. I moved to Texas over a year and a half ago, and I finally have friends, and a community, and a good church family. It's so nice being at church and knowing people again. I just so desperately didn't want to lose friends. 

But if I didn't say anything, it would have made me pointless as a blogger. I'd just be another happy, sunshine, idiot blogger that writes a bunch of pointless, irrelevant fluff that doesn't have anything to do with the price of tea in China. Gag. Just gag. I tried to avoid it, and I succeeded for a little while, but  soon after, every time I opened up my blogger dashboard to write another post, my fingers froze. It got to where I couldn't write anything, except for the one thing that I so desperately didn't want to write.

I prayed about it, I prayed that God would take away the guilt of not being able to write what so desperately needed to be written. But He didn't. I talked to friends, I finally talked to my husband about it (seems like he should have known first... right?), and the conclusion has been drawn that the reason that I cannot avoid writing about this topic is because I really really am SUPPOSED to.

So here I am. And here is the blog I should have written months ago:



As many of you know, Chavo and I went to Guatemala in June, just a few days after I lost my job as a teacher. I posted a little bit about how our trip went, because we were there for almost 3 weeks. To give you a bit of an overview on WHY we were there, we spent the first week on a short-term mission trip with our church. Then, after they left, Chavo and I spent 10 extra days there, seeing friends and family and stuff. The last 5 days were spent with my parents, who joined us for the very end of it.

I talked a little bit about the 2nd part of the trip, the seeing friends and family part, but I didn't really touch on what happened during the mission trip. Honestly, I've been really struggling on how to word what happened on the mission trip. I know, previously, I mentioned that I had been praying for the church members going on the trip to have grace when things don't go our way, and that prayer was answers tenfold. The group that went on the trip was absolutely fabulous. Chavo and I made some new friends, and it was great seeing the group really work together for the people that we were serving. I couldn't have asked for a better group.

That being said: I should have prayed harder for those that were hosting us. This trip to Guatemala was supposed to be more of a "seeking out" trip to see where the church could put its resources in the future, so we weren't sure what to expect from where we were going, which made us rely largely on our hosts.

From the beginning, I felt that the specific mission that was hosting us was more focused on us doing more typical "gringo missionary" stuff. We were to sit and listen to story after story of people that were a part of this mission, most of which were trying to convince us of the lack of funds for their different projects and sub-missions. We also painted their courtyard. From someone who has seen many a church-group come through Guatemala, it was a little maddening to see able-bodied men WATCH us do their jobs and paint (Don't get me wrong, I take no issue with doing physical labor when there are no able-bodied individuals who can do so, like children, handicapped people, or the elderly. But literally, the men who watched us were the maintenance men and groundskeepers, whose work we were taking).

We also went to a place, outside the mission that was hosting us, called the Comedor in San Juan del Obispo (SJO). The Comedor can only be described as a "place where children go to eat dinner". We helped prepare meals and brought food to the people of the SJO that the Comedor served. Unfortunately, the hosting mission, in not so many words, lied to several of the team members and made it sound like the mission had basically done work that they hadn't done, to help the mission. They took credit for work in the Comedor that many other ministries had done, including Chavo's own church in Guatemala. We were amazed at what our ears were hearing.

Chavo and I have been familiar with the Comedor for a while, it has been in place for years by a wonderful couple that literally serves these children out of their homes. When Chavo and I had previously talked about serving in Guatemala long-term, we wanted to partner with this couple. They are truly wonderful and God is going to bless their everloving socks off in Heaven. Chavo and I got to spend some time individually with the couple, where we were given the chance to look at a piece of land that they want to build a good school for the children of SJO. The Comedor was a place that our team truly felt they were helping. SJO is in desperate need for relief, rehabilitation, and development. We know that the Comedor is a good place to serve. I don't want to give people the impression that this trip was the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of ever. We know deep within us that our team was able to serve in a place that would help them briefly, while knowing in the future where to put resources to reinforce their already-great ministry.

There, I said it! And while it may have not made any of you faint from scandal, it was a difficult thing for me to write. I wanted people to know that they needed to be very careful and prayerful over any short-term mission that they go on, or this could happen. This post is meant to remind people to really pray for your hosts before you consider going on a mission there, and do your research. In some places, the best thing you can do is paint and do a VBS, but in other areas, that could be the worst thing you can do! Do research, especially with your team, on how you can be good short-term missionaries to reach your target community specifically. If you don't know how to assess how to best serve your target community, I recommend the book When Helping Hurts. I highly recommend that any team or individual going on missions, short or long-term, read this book.  Unfortunately, I read this book after the trip was over, and I know most people that go on short-term missions trips won't read a book, but some of them may read a blog. People can learn from mistakes, even ones that others have made. I hope that you will learn from my mistake, instead of making the same one.